Darts Demigods: A Hilarious Look at the Oche Olympians
Dave Lumley in action in the 2023 Hay Darts competition. Image: The Riverine Grazier / Kimberly Grabham.
By Krista Schade
Social darts is a glorious sport of good mates, pub banter, and the occasional triumph (or humiliation) thanks to a misplaced arrow. As the local competition gets underway and Hay’s finest get set to unleash their inner Robin Hood (with hopefully better aim), let's take a look at the characters you might encounter at the oche (the throwing line).
The Robin Hood: The legendary bullseye bandit. This player throws darts with laser focus and pinpoint accuracy, leaving a trail of triple twenties in their wake. Basically, everyone's idol (and maybe a little intimidated by).
The Iron Arm: The human slingshot. This player flings darts with enough force to intimidate a dragon, occasionally causing the board to shudder in fear. Think accuracy might be a work in progress, but hey, who needs it when you can launch darts like missiles?
The Strategist: The calculating champion. This player throws with cunning and precision, meticulously plotting their way to victory. Think of them as a chess grandmaster armed with pointy projectiles, always two steps ahead of the competition.
The Showman: The flamboyant flinger. This player throws with theatrics worthy of an Oscar nominee, complete with elaborate windups and celebratory fist pumps. The Showman (or woman) believes entertainment value is just as important as the final score, and maybe hopes they'll distract their opponent with their dazzling display.
The Pressure Cooker: Also known as the nervous nibbler. This player throws with a tremor that could rival a Chihuahua meeting a Doberman. Darts might land anywhere, including the board, the wall, or even (eek) a nearby spectator's drink. Nerves of steel for spectators are all part of the game, right?
The Comeback King/Queen: The dramatic darter. This player starts slow, leaving everyone wondering if they even know which end of the dart goes first. But then, BAM! They pull off a miraculous comeback, leaving jaws on the floor and doubters silenced.
The Pub Philosopher: The armchair aficionado. This player throws with the enthusiasm of a sloth on a Sunday afternoon, but offers unsolicited advice and colourful commentary throughout the game. We all know they're there more for the social aspect than the actual darts-throwing glory.
The Bullseye Blunderer: The unintentional ace. This player throws with all the grace of a baby giraffe learning to walk, but somehow manages to land a bullseye every now and then. Pure luck or hidden talent? We may never know.
From the Robin Hoods to the Pressure Cookers, there's a character for everyone at the oche. Now grab your darts, loosen your throwing arm, and remember, it's all about having a laugh (and maybe winning a round or two… or three). Just don't forget to aim for the board, not the poor spectator standing next to you!
